


love breaks my bones

by toucanoe



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2020-12-14 00:09:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21006452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toucanoe/pseuds/toucanoe
Summary: She used to whisper her love over your bared skin and you know she would do it again if you asked.You’re a lying snake that’s done nothing but bring her pain; venom laced in every word, cold blood running through your heart.She doesn’t hate you for it, and somehow that makes everything worse.\\then her eyes look at me, love breaks my bonesand I laugh  - charles bukowski





	1. prelude

Sunday night goes a little something like this. The party is packed with too many Brightmoon snobs for your liking, the music pounding in your ears like a second heartbeat. You’ve been knocking back shot after shot the entire time; the alcohol buzzing in your veins and filling you with a confidence you haven’t felt in a while. You dance without a care in the world. 

When Scorpia finally finds you and asks you how many drinks you’ve had, you tell her you can’t really remember.

“Come on," she says, taking the cup you’re holding from your hands. “Let’s go home.”

You want to tell her the party's just only started, that she needs to loosen up a little, but instead you follow her as she tugs you towards the exit. Halfway there, she stops abruptly and you run into her back from the force of it. She frantically pats the pockets of her jeans and you laugh at how funny she looks. 

“Hold on, I think I dropped my phone.” She looks at you with pleading eyes. “Stay right here, okay? Don’t move.” She interrupts a random couple who are happily sucking each other’s faces off. “Can you watch her for just a second? I’ll be right back.” She’s disappeared into the crowd before they can even protest. 

The girl rolls her eyes and resumes making out with her boyfriend. You take that as your cue to get some snacks. Your phone buzzes in the back pocket of your jeans. The room’s spinning so much that you can barely make out the words _scorpia_ and _where are you?_ You scroll through your contacts and click on one of the first names that pop up. The phone only rings twice before they pick up. 

“Hey.” You giggle at the way your voice sounds to your own ears. “Can you pick me up? I’m really drunk right now.” You steady yourself on the snack table to keep yourself from falling over.

The person on the other line asks you where you are so you tell them and hang up. While you wait for them, you stuff your face with brownies and other delicious sweets. 

When you’ve had your fill of snacks, you sit down on a chair nearby and try to focus on making the room stop spinning. You vaguely wonder where Scorpia went. 

Just as you’re about to go looking for her, someone calls your name. 

You look up to see a girl with long blond hair and the loveliest face you've ever seen. There’s something about her that strikes you as familiar but you can’t figure out what it is. 

“Catra," she says again and you shiver with how nicely it rolls off her tongue. “Are you with anybody?” 

You grin. “I could ask you the same thing, sweetheart.” 

The girl frowns adorably. “How much have you had to drink? It’s me. Adora.” 

Adora. 

Adora. 

_Adora._

“Oh shit.” You jump to your feet, stumbling, and nearly trip over the chair. Adora catches you by the waist and keeps you from falling. “What are you doing here?”

She wraps your arm across her shoulders so that you can lean some of your weight onto her. “You called me, dummy. Let’s go.” 

She practically carries you to her car and helps buckle you into the seat. Adora climbs behind the wheel as you lean your head against the cold window. The streetlights blur past you as Adora drives. You yawn and decide to rest your eyes for a moment.

You're interrupted rudely from your nap to someone shaking your shoulder. 

“We’re here.” You glance at Adora and lose yourself in the flecks of gray in her eyes. “You have to be quiet.” She runs her fingers through her hair. “I am breaking so many rules right now.”

You hum in agreement and try not to fall asleep again. Adora helps you out of the car and it takes considerable effort not to fall over. Somehow, she sneaks you past the RA and into her room.

She lets go of you for a second to lock the door and you stumble onto the bed, laughing. Adora watches you curiously as you stretch out across the sheets.

“Wow," you whistle, swaying a little as you sit up. “Even your room looks expensive. I can see why you left the Horde.” 

“Catra,” Adora pleads. “Not now.” 

She kneels in front of you to untie your shoes and you can’t help but stare at her. You’ve always thought Adora was beautiful but some moments it feels like she’s more so. You love the way she laughs, the dimples in her cheeks when she smiles, the sway of her ponytail as she walks. She’s wearing a faded denim button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to her elbows. The first few buttons are undone and you catch a glimpse of her collarbones. You want to splay your fingers across them and rake your nails down lower and lower until―

Adora pulls off your shoes and rests a hand on your knee. “You need to get some sleep," she says softly, running her thumb soothingly across the fabric. The touch burns through your jeans even when she pulls her hand away to stand up.

You grab her by the wrist before she can move. Your eyes dart to her lips and you can’t seem to remember why it’s not a good idea to kiss her right now. She’s all you can think about and all that you want. 

She stops you with a hand on your chest just as your lips brush against hers. 

“We can’t―I can’t do this.” She smiles shakily. “Not when you’re drunk and we’re not together anymore.” 

You swallow hard. “Adora, I didn’t mean all that―those things I said," you say, pausing to unravel the words trapped on your tongue. “I want to be with you. Only you.” 

You smile at the dumbfounded look on her face and fall back onto the bed. 

“Be my big spoon?” you mumble tiredly. 

Adora’s still staring at you and you wonder if maybe you still have brownie crumbs on your face. 

“Okay.” She says it so quietly you would have missed it if you hadn’t been listening. 

The last thing you remember before falling asleep is the feeling of drowning in her ocean eyes.


	2. the shades roar like lions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N:
> 
> This fic is inspired by one of my favorite poems Fingernails; Nostrils; Shoelaces by Charles Bukowski. You should check it out :)
> 
> I hope you enjoy this and let me know what you think!

You wake up to the feeling of someone’s breath blowing softly against the back of your neck. 

Your head feels like it’s been filled with cotton and throbs with each passing second. Bits and pieces of last night flash through your mind―ocean eyes belonging to a face you can’t remember, a familiar voice you can’t quite place. You lift the blanket and sigh in relief once you notice you’re still dressed in the clothes you were wearing last night. It’s a good sign but it doesn’t confirm anything. 

The room is too neat to be your own. The walls are decorated with string lights and polaroid photos. Calculus and chemistry textbooks stack the top of the desk. Everything is clean and organized in a way that almost makes you jealous. A white and gold letterman jacket draped over the desk chair makes your heart stop. 

The words Brightmoon emblazoned across the back confirm your suspicions. You’re in someone’s dorm room in Brightmoon Academy. You think things could be worse.

Things get worse. 

An arm sliding around your waist nearly makes you jump out of your skin. You freeze in place, already halfway out of the bed. Whoever’s laying behind you thinks it’s a good idea to use you as their personal pillow. They snuggle closer to you, their nose brushing against your shoulder.

You force yourself to lay completely still and wait until their breaths even out. It takes a while, but you manage to slowly pry yourself out of their herculean grip and slip out from beneath the covers. You quietly get off the bed and turn around to see just who this mystery person is. 

Adora is laying in the bed, her legs tangled in the white sheets. Adora, your ex-girlfriend, who you absolutely hate (you do _not_ like her). The muscles in her face and body are relaxed, making her look peaceful. She mumbles tiredly and rolls onto her back, her shirt riding up and exposing a considerable amount of her toned abdomen. The movement jolts you back into reality. 

You need to get out of here _now._

As you’re frantically trying to find your shoes, you notice that the black crop top you’re wearing does nothing to hide the fact that you’re not wearing a bra. You must've taken it off in your drunken stupor.

You eye Adora’s letterman jacket warily. It’s not your first option but you’d rather get an earful for wearing Brightmoon’s colors than walking into the Horde with barely any clothes on. 

You catch your reflection in the mirror hanging on the door of the closet. The Brightmoon jacket hangs loose on your frame, the hem falling just below your belt. Your mascara is smudged, your lipstick is smeared and your hair has seen better days. You look like a complete mess.

“That looks good on you.”

Adora is awake and watching you fondly, chin resting on one hand. Her hair is free from the ponytail it’s usually in and spills over her shoulder in blonde waves. She looks beautiful and young and free and it takes everything you have not to say it out loud. Her gaze trails from your face down to her jacket that you stupidly decided to wear. 

Your tug the jacket tighter around yourself. “White’s not my color.” 

She smiles. “Anything’s your color so long as you’re wearing it.” 

Adora continues to openly gaze at you and you wish she would just go back to sleep. You don’t know why you’re falling back into old patterns. It’s something that’s automatic, something you don’t even think about and it makes you angry. 

She must have noticed the uneasiness written on your face because she gets up from the bed to stand right in front of you. She hesitates for a moment.

“Catra," she starts, wetting her lips and your eyes immediately trace the flash of her tongue. “I―

You both jump at the sound of your phone ringing.

You scramble to pull it out of the back pocket of your jeans. It clatters to the floor in your hastiness and you swear loudly. Scorpia’s name flashes across the screen and you swipe right to answer it. 

“Hello?”

“Catra!” Scorpia’s voice is frantic. “Where are you?”

You glance at Adora and she picks at an imaginary thread on the bed, pretending not to listen. 

“I’m fine. I’m with A―" you pause, clearing your throat. “―a friend. I’ll be back soon.”

“I was really worried." You hear Scorpia sigh heavily across the line. "I spent all night looking for you.”

You pinch the bridge of your nose in an effort to soothe your pounding headache. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay. Do you need a ride?” 

“No, I’ll be fine. See you soon.” You hang up before she can say anything else.

Adora’s eyes burn into the back of your head as you wordlessly tug your shoes on. Once you’ve finished tying your shoelaces you catch her watching you expectedly. She’s waiting for you to say something.

“I have to go,” you say, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. 

She nods. “I’ll drive you.” 

She’s already on her feet, snatching her keys off the desk and you really think you’d rather just walk than spend the next thirty minutes stuck in a car with her. 

“Oh, that’s okay,” you laugh nervously. “You don’t have to―”

She levels you with a glare that shuts you up immediately. “I’m driving you. You’re not walking by yourself.”

The fact that she knew you were going to walk home kind of surprises you, but then again, Adora knows you better than anyone else. You decide you’d rather get this over with so you stay silent and follow her outside. 

The ride is a half hour drive but it feels like much longer with the awkward silence in the car. The music from the radio does nothing to break the tension. You avoid any conversation, only replying with short answers in the hope that she won’t bring up last night. 

“So about last night,” Adora starts.

_Great_, you think, _I might as well throw myself out of the car right now._

Her knuckles are white from her grip on the wheel. “I know you probably don’t remember much and I won’t hold anything you said or did against you.” 

“What happened last night?” you ask, eyeing her warily. 

“You got really drunk and called me to come pick you up. I took you back to my dorm since I didn’t know where you lived.” Gunmetal blue eyes flit from the road over to your own for a moment. “You said you wanted to be with me again.” 

“Oh.” It’s all you can think of to say.

“Like I said, I won’t hold it against you. I’ll understand if you didn’t really mean it.” 

_But I did mean it,_ you want to say, _I don’t want anyone but you._

“I’m sorry,” is what you say instead.

She nods stiffly. “It’s alright.” 

She visibly deflates and you want nothing more than to take the words back. Even after everything that’s happened between you, Adora doesn’t deserve your spite. She’s been trying to make things right but the wound is still raw and fresh in your heart. 

Your gaze travels from her face to the scar on her chin. A memory unbidden pops into your mind of the last time you touched the thin white line; running your thumb across the mark, trailing open-mouthed kisses down her neck, watching as her hands fisted the sheets as she threw her head back and― 

No way. You are not thinking of that right now. 

The memory reminds you of the nagging question in the back of your mind you need to ask her before you lose your nerve. 

“Did we, um, you know...” you trail off. 

“No!” she blurts, her face a bright shade of pink. “No, we didn’t...do that. I would never take advantage of you like that.” 

You nod and feel your own face burn in embarrassment. You thank your lucky stars that you didn’t sleep with her. A one night stand with an ex is never a good idea, especially barely a week after breaking up with them. 

The dark buildings of Horde University come into view and you point Adora in the direction of the dorms. You’ve already missed your 8 AM and contemplate skipping the rest of your classes for the day. You know you can’t; your absences have been stacking up lately and your grades are going to show for it if you keep it up. Besides, most of your classes are with Scorpia and she’ll probably force you to come with her anyways. 

Adora pulls into the parking lot in front of the dorms. 

She turns off the car and pulls the keys out of the ignition. The action makes your heart rate spike because it means she intends to stay. Her lips part as if she’s about to say something and you know she’s going to apologize and try to convince you to leave the Horde again.

“Thanks for everything,” you say, cutting her off abruptly. You unbuckle your seatbelt and open the car door. 

She frowns. “Wait, I―”

“Bye!” 

You slam the door and practically run into the dorms. When you risk a glance behind you, Adora’s not following you. You hold your head low the entire walk back to your room and pray that no one notices you. 

  
You miraculously make it to your room without running into anyone. You rap your knuckles twice against the door and wait. 

Scorpia answers, taking up the whole doorway with how ridiculously tall she is. 

“Hey!” Her grin falters when she sees what you’re wearing. “Uh, why are you wearing that?” 

You brush past her and immediately start to unbutton the jacket. “Long story.” 

Scorpia plops onto her bed and crosses her legs. “I’ve got time," she says and her eyes widen when she sees the back of the jacket. “You hooked up with someone from Brightmoon?” She whistles. “That’s bold, even for you, wildcat.”

Your fingers halt on the last button and you scowl. “I just borrowed this.”

She grins widely. “Sure you did.”

Something in her voice digs into your chest like thorns and you snarl. 

“I didn’t hook up with anyone! God, why can’t you understand that?” you snap and your voice comes out more strained than you meant it to be. 

Scorpia freezes and you turn away from her, rapidly blinking away tears. You really hope she didn’t see you almost cry. 

“Okay,” she says and she knows better than to prod you for more information. “I won’t push it.” 

She doesn’t try to start another conversation with you again and leaves you alone to gloom about the room. 

You shrug off the jacket and carelessly stuff it into the back of your closet. If Adora wants it back, she'll have to come get it. 

You lay on your bed and start scrolling through your phone. You’re still friends with Adora on social media and before long you find yourself thumbing through her most recent pictures. 

Her newest post is of her at a party with the same boy in a crop top and girl with pink hair you recognize in almost all of her pictures. She’s laughing, her arms wrapped around both of them. She looks so happy and carefree it almost makes you sick. The girl tagged as xxglimmer left a comment that says _can’t wait to hang out with you again <3_

You roll your eyes. As if she could be any more obvious. You’re not blind; Adora’s pretty and charming and almost everyone she’s friends with has some sort of crush on her. 

“Hey, Catra,” Scorpia’s voice snaps you out of your reverie. “Are you coming to class today?”

Your shoulders rise in a half-hearted shrug. “I guess. Dr. Weaver’s already up my ass for missing her class last week anyways.”

Scorpia checks her watch. “We have to leave in 5 minutes if we want to get there in time.” She shrugs her backpack on and pauses midway, concern flashing across her face. “Did you eat breakfast?”

“No.”

“You seriously need to stop skipping meals," she sighs, rummaging through her bag. “I know things have been difficult lately but that doesn’t mean you have to stop eating.”

You say nothing. You haven’t stopped eating, you just haven’t been hungry lately. When you get upset, your stomach gets tied up in a knot and you lose your appetite. Why does it matter if you miss a meal or two? 

She throws you a poptart and you catch it, the silver wrapper crinkling in your hand. “Let’s go. You can eat that on our way there.”

“Thanks,” you mumble, slipping your arms through the straps of your backpack. 

Out of nowhere, Scorpia pulls you into a big hug and you hiss, trying to slip out from underneath her gigantic arms to no avail. 

“There, there. Everything is going to be okay,” she coos, practically cradling you like a newborn. “We’re going to have a great day.” 

Her hugs are more comforting than you’d like to admit.

You growl in irritation. “Scorpia, let go of me. We’re going to be late.” 

She checks her watch again and gasps. “Oh my gosh, you’re right! No worries, I got this!”

You barely have time to ask her what exactly she’s “got” before she slings you over her shoulder and starts sprinting down the hallway. 

“What are you doing?” you screech, your fingers digging into her back for some sort of leverage. 

She laughs in response and you feel your own lips curl into a grin. You do _not_ laugh the entire way there. 

Satisfaction settles deep in your gut at the look of complete shock on Dr. Weaver’s face when you stroll into class with seconds to spare.


	3. nothing means anything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N:
> 
> Sorry for the long wait guys! I had a major case of writer's block with this and I struggle with writing flashbacks. 
> 
> Anyways, let me know what you think in the comments! :)

It’s Saturday afternoon and you’re alone in your dorm. Scorpia’s visiting her family for the weekend and she left you a pile of snacks on your bed before she left. You’d never admit it, but you consider her to be one of your friends. 

With Scorpia gone, you’re bored and lonely. You’ve got nothing better to do so you decide to pop open the bottle of vodka stashed in the back of your closet and indulge yourself. Before long, you’re drunk and going through the photos on your phone. 

Many of them are of Adora. You can't bring yourself to delete them and it’s nice to look back to a time when she didn’t hate you. The other pictures are of old friends you don’t talk to anymore. 

People have always come and gone, flickering in and out of your life. It was about time she got bored of you and moved on. 

It doesn’t hurt any less. 

You remember the day you let her fall, the day you drove a wall between you. 

Adora had still been in the Horde and you were still together. Her roommate had dropped the second week of the semester and you practically moved in with her. 

“Hurry up.” 

She laughs, her lips leaving a burning trail along the spaces between your ribs. “So impatient.” 

You groan in frustration and cant your hips up, but she holds them in place. Her hair falls over her shoulders and tickles the insides of your thighs. Her breath ghosts over you and you shiver, squeezing your eyes shut. You don’t have to open your eyes to know her face is smeared with your slick; you’re so wet it’s hard for her to get any traction with her tongue when she starts to lick you, but she knows your body and knows exactly how to get you off.

“Hey,” you hear her say and your eyes snap open.

You look down and nearly come at the sight. 

She’s staring straight at you, her eyes unwavering. Her grin is entirely wicked as she drags the flat of her tongue against you and you choke on a moan. Blunt nails dig into the back of your thighs as she hitches your legs over her shoulders. You cry out when she sucks on your clit and slides a finger into you. 

“That’s it, baby,” she murmurs against you, “let me hear you.”

You whimper. You’re so close. 

You realize you must’ve said it out loud because Adora grins and the strokes of her tongue quicken. 

She draws just the hint of her teeth against your clit and you come so hard stars dance across your vision. 

You’ve barely regained your senses when Adora starts to lick again. 

“Oh _fuck_,” you hiss, throwing your head back and threading your fingers in her hair. 

She knows that you’re not the type to come so many times in a row, but she’s ruthless. Before long, you’re falling over the edge again and this time your vision goes black. 

When you come to, Adora’s spooning you, her fingers interlaced with yours. She nuzzles your shoulder and you turn so you can kiss her. It’s lazy and slow; something that has you sighing in content. She breaks away to look you in the eyes and you see something in her warm blue that makes your heart race. 

“Come with me, Catra,” she says quietly, leaning forward so that her nose brushes against yours. 

You see the promise in her eyes, all the things the future holds, but a voice in the back of your head drags you back to reality. 

_ She doesn’t need you. _

You turn your head so she can’t see your face. 

“You know I can’t,” you whisper. 

Hot tears slide over the bridge of your nose to drip onto the sheets next to your head. 

Adora gently wipes the tears away and she places soft kisses all over your face. When she’s done, she rests her forehead against your own. 

“It’s going to be okay," she says softly―like an oath, like a promise. "We’ll make it work.” 

Something tears within you because you know deep down, she’s going to leave you like all the others. Ice cold fear grips your heart and chokes you like a vice. 

_ She ran away from you. _

“I can’t do this," you gasp, scrambling off the bed and gathering your clothes from the floor.

You’re already pulling your pants on by the time Adora snaps out of her stupor. 

“Catra, wait!”

Adora rolls onto her feet and you can't bring yourself to look at her. She's bare and afraid, and she doesn't know this is for the best. 

You burst into the hallway, tugging your coat on. Adora curses behind you and you know you only have a moment before she gets her clothes on. You sprint down the hall and down the stairs. 

You’re halfway down the second flight when you hear her call your name. You run out the exit door and into the parking lot. Your sneakers slam against the pavement and you don’t dare look behind you. 

You hear the sound of the exit door slamming open. "Catra!" 

Either you’re out of shape or Adora’s getting faster by how close she sounds. A heavy weight tackles into you from behind and what little air is left in your lungs leaves you instantly as you hit the ground.

Adora’s got you pinned, her grip iron as she holds your arms down. You snarl and try to throw her off but her thighs squeeze tightly against your legs. 

“Let go of me!” you hiss, bucking your hips in an attempt to get her off. 

It's no use; she stays where she is, unmoving. “Not until you tell me what’s wrong.”

You feel helpless and vulnerable and it makes you want to spit in her face. 

“Get off,” you grit out, teeth bared. 

Adora tightens her grip on your wrists. “What’s wrong, Catra?"

Your strength is waning and you know her―she’s just going to hold you down until you can’t fight back anymore. 

You ignore her question and bend your knees to get some sort of leverage, but Adora won’t budge. Panic bubbles in your lungs, you can’t breathe, you need to get her off of you―

“What’s wrong?” she asks again and it claws something hot and sharp into your chest. 

“You are!” Your voice is sharp despite the way it feels like you’re choking on air. 

Adora’s eyes widen. “What?”

“You keep begging me to come with you to Brightmoon even though you _ know _ I don’t want that and it makes me wish I had never even met you!” you yell and you want to take back the words as soon as they leave your mouth. 

A mixture of emotions crosses Adora’s face; first shock, confusion, and finally grief. She lets go of your wrists and you find you don’t even have the strength to push her off of you.

“You don’t mean that,” Adora says with pleading eyes. “You don’t mean that, Catra.”

You want to agree with her. You’ve never wanted anything more.

You feel your heart tearing itself apart when you say, “I mean it.” 

You can see the moment it hits her; her shoulders slump in defeat and her blue eyes are full of sadness and despair. 

She swallows and her eyes are wet with unshed tears. “If that’s how you really feel," she says, her voice hoarse.

“I do," you say, the words like shards of glass in your mouth. 

You can’t bear the look on her face so you push past her and start running as fast as you can. 

You had run until you couldn’t feel your legs anymore. 

Adora had texted and called you but eventually stopped trying once she realized you wouldn't answer. The only time you reached out to her had been when you were drunk and lost Scorpia.

This time is only a little different.

You pull up Adora's name and type out a text.

_I miss you._

After you send it, you lay on your bed and let sleep overwhelm you. 


	4. it keeps meaning nothing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N:
> 
> Hey everyone! First of all, I want to thank you all for the comments and kudos!
> 
> Second, updates might be a little slow from here on out, but I promise I will try to get new chapters out as soon as I can.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy this! Let me know what you think! :)

“Catra,” someone calls, shaking your shoulder. 

You open one eye, glaring at the offender. Scorpia hovers over you, smiling. Your head is throbbing with its own pulse and the aftertaste of liquor makes your tongue feel dry and heavy in your mouth. 

“Come on, Catra," Scorpia sings, tugging at your sheets in a futile effort to get you out of bed. “We have class soon.”

You sit up and rub your eyes. “I’m up, I’m up,” you yawn, stretching your arms above your head.

A flash of white and gold out of the corner of your eye catches your attention and you realize you must’ve used Adora’s letterman jacket as a pillow. You don't even remember taking it out of the closet last night. 

_I really need to stop drinking, _you think. 

“You must really like that jacket,” Scorpia teases, trying to hold back a laugh behind her hand.

“Shut up,” you growl, your cheeks flushing red. “What time is it anyways?”

“8:35.” 

Class starts at 8:50. 

You scramble out of your bed and almost fall from the sheets tangled around your legs. 

Scorpia steadies you by the shoulders. “Woah, easy there," she says, and her nose wrinkles. “Were you drinking last night?”

You hesitate. “No?”

Scorpia stares pointedly at the empty bottle of vodka laying on its side at the foot of your bed. 

“Okay, fine. So what if I was drinking?” you scowl, crossing your arms. “That’s none of your business.”

Her ebony eyes soften and you hate the way she’s unfazed by the snide remark you just threw at her. 

“I’m just looking out for you, Catra,” she says gently. “That’s what friends do.”

She pulls out a bottle of aspirin from her nightstand and uncaps it, shaking two pills into her hand. “Here,” she says, the pills stark in her outstretched palm. “You’ll need it.” 

“I don’t need your help,” you growl, but take them from her anyways.

You knock them back with a glass of water she hands you. Her shoulders drop a fraction and she sighs, heading towards the door. Guilt claws its way deep into your stomach and for a moment, you’re afraid you’ve pushed her away. 

“Scorpia,” you say and she turns around, hesitant. “Thanks for everything. I appreciate it.”

Scorpia beams at you, her grin wide as she pulls you in for an unnecessary hug. 

You don’t mention the newfound bounce in her step or the way you let her drape an arm around your shoulder on your way to class. 

////

Your week has been terrible, to say the least.

It’s a struggle keeping up with your growing pile of assignments and the late hours at your job. Being a cashier pays decent but you’re not a people person. You never were. 

Most of the time you hide in the back of the store and pretend like you’re restocking items just to avoid working at the register.

A gravelly voice on your hand mic that sounds a lot like your boss calls you to the registers. He doesn’t sound happy and you know better than to stall any longer. 

Just as you turn the corner of the aisle, someone collides into you.

You hiss when you elbow bangs against the floor and sends jolts of pain running up your arm. You’re about to give whoever ran into you a few choice words but they die on your lips once you see who it is. 

Adora’s eyes are wide and full of concern. “I’m so sorry. I didn't see you," she says, and you notice she's rambling in the way she does when she gets nervous. "I really need to watch where I'm going. You know, this store's just _really_ big and I get lost easily and―"

“It’s fine,” you say, rubbing your now bruised elbow. 

You stand up, ignoring her outstretched hand and brush invisible dust off your pants. You can feel her staring at you, which she seems to be doing a lot of recently. 

“So,” she says, eyeing your name tag. “You work here?” 

“No, Adora,” you scoff. “I bought this entire uniform from Goodwill.” 

"I wouldn't be surprised," Adora fires back and she's grinning so hard it looks like her face is about to crack. 

Why she finds your hostility disguised as humor funny is beyond you. You had meant it to sound cutting, but her reaction proves otherwise. 

You move to walk past her, but she steps in your way, blocking your path. Annoyance bubbles underneath your skin and you don't even try to hide it when you glare at her. 

“Catra, I really think we should talk,” she says seriously. 

You school your best bored expression and rest one hand on your hip. “About what?”

“You know what.” She doesn’t fall for your ignorance in the slightest. “I’m tired of you avoiding me and pretending like nothing’s wrong. It feels like we’re not even friends anymore.” 

You roll your eyes. “We are friends. I still text you.” She gives you a pointed look and you add, “Sometimes.” You’re a good liar and even you know she can see right through your bullshit.

_“Catra,”_ your hand mic hisses, _“I told you to get back to the register.” _

You press a button on the side of the mic to answer. “I’m on my way.” 

“Look, Adora,” you sigh, rubbing your brow to ward off your oncoming headache. “It was nice talking to you, but I really have to―”

“So we’re just going to totally ignore the fact that you said you missed me?” she interjects, her eyes sharp crystal. 

You suddenly find the floor more appealing to look at. “I was drunk," you mutter, crossing your arms. 

She stares at you. “So you can only tell me how you really feel when you’re wasted?”

“Get over yourself, Adora,” you say, your voice clipped. “I told you. I was drunk.”

“I just don’t understand,” she says and damn if she isn’t persistent. “I thought we agreed we’d still be friends.” 

“Things change,” you bite out. “You had no trouble finding a replacement.”

“You mean Glimmer?” she asks, an incredulous look on her face. 

“Come on, Adora, you’re not that stupid,” you say and she flinches. “She’s all over you and you love it.” 

“That’s not true,” she argues, but the blush on her face tells a different story. “We’re just friends.”

You snort. “Right.” You try to move past her and her fingers curl around your wrist as she grabs your arm, her thumb pressing against your thundering pulse.

“I want things to be the way they were," she says, and you ignore the way your skin burst into goosebumps at her touch. She pauses and her voice goes sweet and soft. “You know, like how we used to be.”

It’s what finally pushes you past your breaking point. 

“For fuck’s sake, Adora!” you snap. “It will _never_ be like it used to be.” 

She stares at you, unmoving, and you know she can feel your traitorous pulse racing beneath her fingers. It’s like your heart can tell she’s touching you and it only beats harder to let her know. Her pupils blow out, her lips parting in a silent _oh,_ and you know she can feel you, feel your love for her you try so hard to hide bursting at the seams. 

“There you are!” 

You both jump away from each other right at the moment someone that looks sparkly and pink and suspiciously like Glimmer wanders down the shopping aisle.

“Adora! I found those pens you wanted!” she chirps, shaking a box. 

If the look on Adora’s face is anything to go by, then this is definitely Glimmer. 

Your eyes narrow.

_Of course she brought her along, _you think. 

“Oh, who’s this?” Glimmer says, finally seeming to take notice of you. She presses herself into Adora’s side and your eyes drop to where she’s got her fingers curled around her bicep. 

Glimmer smiles stupidly at you, completely oblivious (or aware, you can’t decide) of how touchy she’s being and you hate it. Most of all, you hate the way Adora lets her touch her; makes no move to shrug her off. Your eyes snap to hers and she has the nerve to look confused, her brows drawn together and a frown tugging at her lips. 

Your lips peel back into a snarl. “Just friends, huh?”

"Wait," Adora starts, her eyes wild as she finally tugs out of Glimmer's grip, "this isn't what it―"

You purposely ram your shoulder into Adora’s and a part of you relishes in the grunt that slips past her lips. You ignore the way the back of your eyes sting with tears, the way your heart squeezes and thrashes against your ribcage, the way it gets harder and harder to breathe with each step you take away from her. 

“What’s her problem?” you hear Glimmer ask Adora. 

You don’t stay long enough to hear her answer.


	5. the less there is to say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N:
> 
> After a week of stress and tears, this came out.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy it! As always, let me know what you think! :)

Ignoring Adora is harder than you thought it was going to be. 

She shows up everywhere you go; the bowling alley, your favorite pizza place―she’s there with Bow and Glimmer. The first time it happens, she tries to talk to you, but after you pretend like she doesn’t exist, she got the hint and stopped trying. 

It almost becomes a routine; you don’t look at her and you make it obvious that you want absolutely nothing to do with her. If your stomach flutters when you see her, you blame it on the food you’ve eaten. 

Then there’s Adora. She tries to look like she’s above it all, like she could care less about you, but you see the way her eyes dart away from you every time you risk a glance at her, the tips of her ears tinged red.

When Adora’s trio turns into a group of eight, you make it a habit to bring Scorpia with you just in case Adora finds the courage to approach you again now that she has more people. Scorpia is every bit as intimidating as she is tall and you know you can trust her to back you up if things get ugly. 

You’ve run out of places where Adora and her goonies don’t hang around. You can’t go anywhere without seeing her there. 

It’s no surprise when you see her again at a party on the outskirts of the Horde. 

She’s wearing a sweater that’s loose and soft, and her hair flows past her shoulders in long messy waves. She’s leaning against a wall on the far side of the room, nursing a beer and chatting idly with Glimmer. Glimmer, who’s giving Adora heart eyes every time she talks.

You want to gag. Glimmer is so excruciatingly obvious that you wonder how Adora couldn’t possibly notice, but then again Adora was always somewhat oblivious to flirting. 

Glimmer smiles and whispers something into Adora’s ear that leaves her grinning, her fingers wrapped around her forearm. You can’t tell if the blush dusting her cheeks is from the alcohol or whatever she’s just said to her but it makes you want to rip her head off. 

You’ve been watching her practically strip Adora naked with her eyes the entire time she’s been talking to her. It tears into something deep inside your chest, something white hot and branding. 

Funny how a month ago, you would tell her _ I love you _ and Adora would always say it back. Now she’s found someone new, and it makes you wonder if she ever really meant it or if it was just something else she hid from you. 

The dark liquor in your cup suddenly looks extremely inviting. You don’t even think twice before you throw your head back and down it in one go. Whatever it is, it burns on the way down and makes your eyes water. 

Your stomach tingles with a newfound warmth. Your eyes find Scorpia in the crowd and a plan forms in your mind. You’ll show Adora she’s not as over you as she thinks she is. 

You snatch a drink from someone’s hand and ignore their protests as you make your way over to Scorpia. She grins at the sight of you, her ivory hair falling into her eyes.

“Catra!” she yells over the music, throwing an arm over your shoulder and eyeing your outfit appreciatively. “You look really good!”

“Thanks. What’s that?” you say, pointing to the cup she’s holding. 

She starts to ramble off on how she grabbed some jungle juice from the back, but you’re only half listening to her; your eyes flitting to Adora every time she looks away. 

Adora’s by herself now, leaning against the wall and watching the people dancing around her. The pink haired gremlin probably left to go get them more drinks.

Adora’s lips are tinged with something blood-red; whether it’s wine or lipstick, you can’t tell. The column of her throat is bare and you’re filled with the primal urge to mottle it with marks of your own. You only realize she’s caught you staring once you notice heavy blue eyes gazing back at you. At that moment, Glimmer returns with a red solo cup in each hand and starts babbling to Adora, effectively stealing her attention. You’d like to know if she ever stops talking. 

“Something on your mind?” Scorpia asks, breaking your train of thought. 

You drag your eyes away from the other side of the room to look at Scorpia. She gives you a small smile but otherwise doesn’t seem to have noticed you staring at Adora. 

Time to turn up your charm.

You flash her a coy smile. “Now that you mention it,” you say, your voice low and warm, “there is _s__omeone _ on my mind.” 

“And who might that be?” She says it innocently, but you know better; you see the slight quirk of her lips, the way her eyes glint with something dark and intense. 

You step closer to her than what is probably considered friendly and trail your fingers up her arm to rest on her shoulder. Her breath hitches, and when you bite your bottom lip, her eyes immediately drop down to your mouth. Bingo. 

“I think you already know the answer to that,” you murmur and her face blooms red as she looks away, laughing nervously. 

You catch Adora’s eyes across the room and grin, all sharp teeth and danger. 

Scorpia lets out a small noise of surprise when you grab her by the front of the shirt and pull her in for a searing kiss. 

She reciprocates almost immediately, her mouth moving against your own. Your one hand is still fisted in the fabric of her shirt while the other slides up the side of her neck. You press every inch of yourself against her and guide her one arm to wrap around your waist. 

Her lips don’t feel right against your own, her hair too short to card your fingers through, her hands too gentle on your waist. She tries to turn it into something soft and patient but you don’t let her, nipping at her lips and sliding your tongue into her mouth. 

It’s almost violent, the way you kiss her, but you’re not aiming for something affectionate. You want it to look like you’re about to take her to bed with you. 

You peek out of the corner of your eye to see if Adora’s still watching and nearly preen at the sight. 

She’s furious, jaw clenched and eyes narrowed, and you can see the waves of anger rolling off of her from where you’re standing. She doesn’t even pretend to listen to Glimmer anymore, who only just now seems to realize Adora hasn’t been listening to a word she’s been saying. She follows Adora’s gaze and her face flushes a dark red when she sees you; she’s clearly a prude if you’ve ever seen one. 

You want to push Adora to her breaking point. 

You want her to come running back to you.

You want her to hurt as much as you did.

So you break away from Scorpia to suck marks along the column of her throat, dragging the sharp points of your canines against her pulse point―eyes on Adora the entire time. 

The effect is almost instant. 

Adora ignores Glimmer’s protests as she makes a beeline through the crowd, pushing and shoving people out of her way. A shiver runs down your spine at the pure rage you see written across her face and along the hard lines of her body. You decide it’s time to drop the act and abruptly pull away from Scorpia, pushing her away with a hand on her chest when she ducks her head to chase your lips.

Adora stops in front of you, nostrils flared and hands balled into fists. Scorpia meets her halfway, towering over her. You’ve seen Adora fight before, seen how she widens her stance and clenches her jaw, and you know you need to step in soon―the last thing you want is somebody calling the cops.

“Hey, Adora.” You stumble forward and Scorpia grabs you by the arm to steady you. You shrug her off and she frowns. “Where’s Glitter?” you slur, because you’re this far gone already and you might as well say it now. “Sick of her already?”

Adora ignores the jab, instead she stares hard at Scorpia then at you. “What are you doing?” she grits out, every muscle in her body drawn taught. 

You laugh. “Fucking with you, obviously.”

She stiffens but says nothing. A small crowd of onlookers have gathered around you, bored and with nothing better to do than to ogle at the three of you. Scorpia looks like she wants to be anywhere but here right now and it kind of disappoints you how quickly she’s lost her energy to defend you. 

The room is starting to spin and you’re starting to wish you hadn’t drank so much. The alcohol loosens your tongue and you can’t stop the words that spill out of your mouth. 

“What’s wrong, Adora?” you ask, swaying a little. “Jealous?”

A beat of silence and you think she’s going to walk away, leave you again, and then she says, “Yeah.” You freeze, she’s beaten you at your own game and she knows it―you just never thought she would say it out loud. “Yeah, I am. I care about you,” she admits, her eyes soft and entirely honest when she says it. 

You know she’s telling the truth and that’s what gets to you more than anything. 

“Why do you care?” you snap, shoving her away from you. “We’re not together, remember?”

“Catra,” she begs, taking a cautious step forward, “just listen to me―”

She tries to shorten the gap between you and you shake your head, taking a step back. “I’m done listening to you,” you say, forcing your voice not to waver. “What we had wasn’t serious.”

Adora frowns, reaching for you again and you know if she touches you, you’re going to crumble, break underneath her fingers, so you blurt out whatever you can think of to get her to stay away. 

“You were just a good fuck,” you say, your voice strangled. “That’s all it was.” 

She recoils like you’ve just slapped her.

People around you start whooping and hollering but instead of feeling like you’ve won something, it feels like you’ve lost everything. 

“I can’t believe―” She cuts herself off, she’s so angry that she chokes on the words, sucking in a harsh breath through her nose. 

The room blurs―the people staring at you, the party lights. You can’t breathe, you feel like you’re drowning, like your lungs are filled with water. Adora won’t stop looking at you like she _ hates _you and you feel like you’re one second away from throwing up all over the floor.

“You know what, Catra, fuck you,” she bites out. “Fuck you for pretending like you don’t care. You can’t stand the fact that you’re still in love with me so you―you―” Her voice trembles and you realize she’s actually crying. 

In all the time you’ve known her, you’ve only ever seen her cry twice and Adora _ never _ cries.

Suddenly, you feel all your anger shift into fear. 

Fear for messing it all up, fear of never getting her back again. 

“Wait―Adora―” You desperately try to backtrack, but it’s too late now; the damage is done. “I didn’t mean―” 

“What? That you love me?” she cuts you off, scoffing. “It’s nice to know how you really feel about me.” 

“Adora―” 

You grab her arm as she turns to leave and she rips it from your grasp. The knot in your throat feels like it’s swelled up by tenfold and your mouth pulls like you’re going to cry. When she looks at you, her eyes are cold and sharp like a steel blade. 

She lifts her chin and she looks the strongest she’s ever been. 

You’d like to think you made her that way. 

“I don’t want to hear from you ever again,” she says. “I’m done. _ We’re _ done.” 

Adora turns her back to you and the wound in your heart reopens, ripped wide open and aching. Something’s snapped inside you, frayed and loose. Your whole body throbs with one single heartbeat and your chest burns like something simmering and scorching. A voice in the back of your head tells you that you deserve it.

The throbbing of your lips, still swollen from the kiss, and the feeling of someone shifting behind you reminds you of Scorpia. You turn to face her, every move stiff and hesitant, and your stomach drops when you finally look at her. 

She’s looking at you like you’re a complete stranger, all the familiar softness in her face gone. 

You open your mouth to say something, anything, but she beats you to the punch. 

“You were just using me for her?” she asks, her voice breaking on the last syllable. 

For once in your life, you can’t think of an excuse. She’s not stupid, and you were dumb enough to think she wouldn’t see it. Her eyes say everything; she saw the way you looked at Adora, she saw everything. 

You say nothing and it’s all the answer she needs. She gives you one last forlorn look before she disappears into the crowd. 

“I’m sorry,” you choke out, but it’s so quiet you don’t think she heard you. 

You’re not sure if you heard yourself either. 


	6. there's no release

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N:
> 
> A big thank you to all the readers who comment and leave kudos! I'm thinking I will finish this up with one or two more chapters.
> 
> Warning: This chapter contains explicit content.

The days after the party are the worst of your life.

You spend weeks in silence. Most of the time, you’re alone in the dorm and whenever Scorpia’s there, she leaves almost as soon as you walk in. She sits with one of the electrical engineering majors named Entrapta at the dining hall instead of with you and she hasn't so much as breathed in your general direction. 

The only time you see Scorpia is when she sneaks into the room when she thinks you’re asleep and crawls into her bed, her back always turned towards you. 

If there’s anything you hate more, it’s being ignored, but you used her to make your ex-girlfriend jealous for christ’s sake, and you deserve nothing less than that. So you bite your tongue and pretend it doesn’t affect you. 

You don’t hear anything from Adora, but her friend who’s always wearing a crop top in her pictures messages you out of the blue. 

**bow.arrow_**: _hi! I’m Bow, Adora’s friend. I heard about what happened. this might not be my place to say, but I think you should apologize to her. she’s been miserable and I think it would at least give her some closure._

You leave him on read because you don’t have the heart to spill your feelings out to him. It’s embarrassing enough that almost all of Adora’s friends know who you are and what you did. You can’t go anywhere without seeing one of them glaring at you or talking about you as if you’re not there. He says she’s staying at a friend’s house and sends you the address. 

**bow.arrow_**: _she needs answers from you._

The fact that you need to talk to her terrifies you. It should send you running for the hills, but instead, you find yourself at the doorstep of the house Adora’s staying at for spring break. 

You knock on the door and out of all the people you expected to answer, you definitely don’t expect Glimmer. She eyes you up and down with something akin to disdain and steps into what little space is left open by the door. 

You really wish Bow had told you this was _Glimmer’s_ fucking house. You remind yourself to physically strangle him if you ever see him in public. Judging by the way Glimmer looks, she’s definitely not in the mood for any of your smart comments, so you put on the friendliest face you can muster. 

“Is Adora there?” you ask politely. 

Glimmer stares at you. “I know why you’re here. Adora’s not home right now.”

The lie is as obvious as her profound crush on Adora but you don’t dare call her out on it for fear of her slamming the door in your face and then it would have all been for nothing. 

You force yourself to smooth out your features instead of sneering at her like your mind tells you to. “Listen, Glitter,” you grit through clenched teeth, “I know she’s in there and you better―”

“Glimmer? Who is it?” you hear Adora call and suddenly she’s at the door, shifting into the space beside Glimmer. 

Glimmer gives you her best  _ don’t you dare try anything _ look before she smiles at Adora. “Catra,” she says, spitting your name out like it’s venom, “wants to see you.” 

Adora looks the worst she’s ever been. She’s wearing an old t-shirt pockmarked with holes and gray sweatpants, and as she comes closer, you notice her eyes are red-rimmed and puffy. She freezes when she sees you and the speech you rehearsed at the traffic light minutes ago slips out of your mind. 

Glimmer is equally at a loss for words, which is surprising since she apparently never stops talking.

You’re surprised when Adora is the first one to speak up.

“Why are you here?” she demands, watching you carefully. 

Glimmer’s standing there and you pray that Adora doesn’t kick you out. You’ll be leaving with your wounded pride and that will only make it worse if she’s there to see it. 

“I wanted to talk to you,” you finally say, clearing your throat. You spare a glance at Glimmer before you add, “Alone.” 

Adora stares at you for a long moment. You think she's going to turn away, shut the door in your face, but instead she says, “Fine.”

You’re as equally as shocked as Glimmer, who’s staring at Adora like she’s grown a second head. Adora nods once to Glimmer and she reluctantly steps back to let you in. 

Adora leads you to what you can only guess is a guest bedroom and shuts the door behind her, leaning back against it.

“What did you want to talk to me about?” she asks, folding her arms across her chest. 

There’s a hesitant look on her face, every inch of her body wracked with tension, and you want nothing more than to kneel at her feet and beg for her forgiveness.

“I fucked up,” you say, forcing yourself to look her in the eye,“I know that, but I wanted you to know that I didn’t mean any of those things I said.”

She laughs, but it’s a harsh ugly thing that works its way out of her throat. “I don’t believe you,” she says, smiling, but it looks wrong―like some dark twisted thing on her face. 

“Believe what you want, but it’s true,” you say softly. 

Her hands are shaking and she tucks them against her sides to hide it. “You know what I think―I think you ran away because you couldn’t deal with the responsibility. Because you can’t be away from me for more than one minute before thinking one of my friends is trying to fuck me.”

“That’s not the reason,” you argue, but your voice sounds weak to your own ears. 

“You broke up with me with no explanation,” she says, expression guarded, “I was so upset, embarrassed, and I kept thinking it was because of me. We were good, really good for a while, but then you started pushing me away.” 

You’ve been trying to keep calm, but everything she’s saying is true and it cuts deep into you. 

“You got a full ride to Brightmoon University,” you spit back, “Of course I was going to push you away! You were going to leave me just like everyone else―”

“That’s not for you to decide!” Adora’s shouting now, her voice shaking. She sighs, and when she speaks again, her tone is careful and controlled. “Just go.”

“I’m not leaving you again,” you rasp, your voice hoarse and strangled from overuse. 

Your eyes widen when you realize what you’ve just said and the way Adora’s throat bobs heavily at what you’ve implied really shouldn’t be that hypnotizing. 

“Oh,” she snarls, pushing herself off the door to stand face-to-face with you, “so now you want to stay?” 

You lift your chin and say nothing, staring into her eyes, sharp and hardened. Your heart beats hard against your ribcage.  _ Love, love, love, _ it says. 

Adora surges forward, slotting her mouth against your own, and you almost sigh in relief, you’ve missed her so much. She’s angry and hurting, and you can feel it in the way she bites your bottom lip hard enough to bleed, shoves you against the couch to climb on top of you. She threads the fingers of one hand in your hair, tugging your head back for better access to your throat, while the other slides down to the front of your pants. 

The sound of your belt unbuckling is the only thing you can hear aside from your heavy breathing. A lithe hand slides underneath your panties and Adora pauses when she feels how wet you are, how you’re dripping down your thighs. You dig your fingers into her hair, pulling her into a rough, angry kiss, and you revel in the taste of blood from your busted lip. Then, she’s flipping you onto your hands and knees, pulling your pants down past your ankles before slipping her fingers inside of you. 

You cry out and think of Glimmer in the next room but for some reason you can’t bring yourself to care if she hears. Adora’s never been this rough with you, but as long as you have her for this moment it’s enough. Every touch, every whisper of her lips against your skin is enough to fill the aching hole you’ve carved out for Adora inside your heart. 

She thrusts her fingers, in out, in in out, while her thumb rests over your clit and you’re going to come, you feel yourself tightening around her, and then she’s hooking her fingers to hit that spot deep inside of you that no one else can seem to find. It’s intense, makes your whole body lock up and you muffle your screams into the crook of your arm. You think you feel her run a hand soothingly down your spine, but it must have been your imagination. 

When it’s over and you’re exhausted beyond relief, something flits across her face, something that makes you think a part of her still cares, but then her eyes are cold stone and she turns away from you. 

Adora picks up your pants from the floor and throws them at you. “Get out,” she grunts. Her jaw is set and you can see tears pricking the corners of her eyes, but she says nothing, and she doesn’t even spare a glance at you as you go. 

///

Neither you nor Adora speak about what happened. You don’t call and you don’t text. You think it’s over, that she’s finally had enough of you, until you wake up one night to the sound of your phone pinging on the nightstand. 

The first warning sign is the  _ you up? _ text from Adora. 

The second is when she asks if she can come over. 

The last is when you say yes and invite her in. 

You’ve got one hand fisted in her hair, the other curled around her hip as you thrust into her with the strap on. Adora moans pitifully and it only makes you fuck her harder, your breath coming out rough and jagged with every movement. She whimpers when you push her down into the mattress, holding her down with one hand at the base of her neck. 

You lean forward so you can breathe in her ear. “Come on, baby. Touch yourself.” Her hand slides underneath her stomach to circle against her clit and soon she’s bucking forward against her own hand while you fuck her from behind. The room blends with the sounds of her breathless pleas and your heavy breathing. Before long, Adora comes hard around the dildo buried inside of her and she squeezes so tightly around it that your movement is limited to short, jerking thrusts.

You chase the familiar feeling burning inside of you, pressing yourself to her back, your hips snapping against her ass, and then you’re tumbling over the edge, seeing stars as you bite down hard on her shoulder. When your vision clears, you realize with surprise that Adora’s coming again, and she’s trembling with the force of it. 

You don’t let up until she falls onto her stomach and she’s a quivering mess beneath you. When you start to pull out, her hand reaches back, fingers digging into your hip. “Adora,” you start, but she silences you by pushing backwards, hilting herself in one movement. A moan tumbles from your lips and you take a moment to admire her as she fucks herself, watching the toy moving in and out from between her flushed lips. 

An endless mantra of  _ please _ and  _ oh fuck  _ and  _ harder _ falls out of her mouth from between clenched teeth. You decide to end her misery and drag your fingers down between her legs to rub against her clit in tight circles while you slam into her with every ounce of energy you have left. She freezes, mouth open in a silent scream, and you lean forward to drag your lips along the column of her throat. 

It’s not until your own orgasm fades away that you realize Adora’s crying. Sobs wrack her body and her shoulders shake with every movement. Your stomach twists painfully and you know it’s your fault she’s like this, that she can’t stand being without you even though she hates you. She’s the strongest person you know and to see her at her lowest, her weakest, it only adds salt to the wound in your heart, rips the edges wide open. 

You pull out, the toy still nestled between her thighs. “Adora,” you call softly. She turns her head towards you and the sight of her blue eyes wet with tears is enough to make the knot in your throat swell. You swallow hard. “I’m sorry. I never meant for this to happen.” 

You can feel the way her heart rips right down the middle, how it stings with each passing second, how her soul shatters into a million pieces. 

Then she relaxes against you, drags a sticky hand to sink her fingers into your hair. She presses her mouth against yours and it’s soft, light and so unlike the rushed, bruising kisses you’ve shared over the past month. You feel the pain you’ve caused her in the air shared between you, you breathe it into your lungs and it crackles along your skin like fire. 

Two months ago, you would’ve been laughing, tumbling into the sheets with marks of love along your neck. Now you’re just a broken shell of what you were, using one another to ease the pain. You can’t fuck the hurt out of each other no matter how much you want to. It can’t go on like this for much longer and she knows. 

For now, she’s content to lay in your arms and ignore the flames licking at her body. 

  
  



	7. then the gate springs open again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N:
> 
> We're finally nearing the home stretch and I want to thank everyone who's come along for the ride. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it and let me know what you think! :)
> 
> Warning: Explicit content.

You fall into a routine―you feel a rise to take the pain away, she comes over for sex and leaves. 

She doesn’t cry like she did the last time, and you think she’s finally broke loose of your hold on her heart. She’s almost always the one giving, barging into your room and shoving you against the bed―dragging you through the doorway and pushing you onto the couch whenever you’re at her place. She leaves marks on your neck, your thighs, your chest, and it absolutely screams possessiveness. 

You’ve never been the type to lay back and take it, but you’re so afraid of her leaving you again that you let her do what she wants. When she leaves, you try to sleep, but the smell of her is everywhere―and you end up fucking yourself on your fingers, angry tears sliding down your face and dripping onto the sheets. There’s even some nights that she purposefully ignores your texts and you’re left to either wallow in your own frustration or rub one out. You’ve ruined every good thing between you and turned it into a writhing mess of fangs and venom and hate coiled around your heart. 

You’re selfish. Inconsiderate. Cold. Uncaring. 

It’s moments like this, when you’re exposed and vulnerable, she sees past that, she sees past the thick scales surrounding the fragile heart you try so hard to hide beneath biting words and caged lies. You wish you were lying when you said you’ve never known love like her. 

Maybe it’s the fact that you were passed from one foster home to another. Maybe it’s the fact that you’re a terrible person. Adora has always been your weakness and it scares you more than anything.

She plays the dominant one for a while, but one night you get tired of her pinning you down and instead of just letting her do what she wants, you break out of her hold and flip her so that you’re on top, one hand braced on her chest and the other behind you so that you can lean back and start a slow, steady grind against her. The muscles of her abdomen ripple intoxicatingly underneath her skin and they look even better when they’re painted with your slick. She’s gazing up at you with something that looks suspiciously like adoration in her eyes and you brush it off as a trick of the light. You slide down, down between her legs and show her who’s really in control. She screams your name and the knowledge that it’s you that she thinks of when she’s coming settles deep into your soul. 

You find Adora’s letterman jacket cleaning out your closet later that day, crumpled up carelessly inside its corner. Something about it triggers a memory of Adora grinning at you from the sheets of her bed, blonde hair curling against the bare skin of her shoulder. The pure look of love and happiness on her face tugs at something deep inside of you, snaps you into reality, and you can't remember the last time she looked at you like you _mattered._

You realize with shocking clarity that you need to stop this thing you’re doing with Adora―even if it means you might lose her for good this time. 

///

“I came to give this back,” you say, holding out her the letterman jacket. 

You’re standing on Glimmer’s doorstep (again) but this time, Glimmer is nowhere in sight and Adora’s the one standing at the door regarding you suspiciously. She reluctantly takes the jacket from you, as if she was expecting you to keep it, and invites you inside. 

“So,” she says after shutting the door behind her, “I’m guessing this is your way of saying you don’t want to do this anymore.”

You were expecting to beat around the bush, approach the topic lightly, but Adora’s too sharp not to catch on. 

“It’s not easy for me to say this,” you start, rubbing your sweaty palms against your thighs, “but I―”

“You found someone else, didn’t you?” she cuts in, sounding defeated and angry all at the same time. 

You shoot her a bewildered look. “What? No, I was trying to say we shouldn’t hook up anymore.” 

For a moment, you see a flicker of fear flash in her eyes before her expression darkens, freezing you to the spot. 

“Fine,” she grits out, her eyes glowing as bright as her broken heart, “like you said, it meant nothing.” 

_ It meant nothing. _

“Adora, I didn’t mean it like that,” you say, trying to put your hands on her shoulders. She shrugs them off in a quick, hard gesture.

“All of this,” she bites out, “all of it is such a fucking mess. It’s making me go crazy!”

The urge to soothe overwhelms you and all you want to do is fix the mess you’ve made. 

“_Babe,_” you say, the pet name tumbling from your lips without so much as a second thought. Her eyes flick up towards yours and your breath catches in your throat at how much sadness and anger you see swirling within them. 

“Don’t―” she says, moving towards you in an instant, close enough to feel the warmth radiating off her body, “―don’t you dare call me that.”

She’s only an inch taller than you, but she brandishes it like a weapon, towering over you in a way that makes you feel smaller than you really are. Her eyes dart down to your lips and you know she’s thinking about the night you made her come using only your mouth, the way she screamed your name as if it was a sin. She pushes you down onto the sofa, leans towards you, lips parted, and it takes every ounce of self control you have to push her away. 

“Not now, Adora,” you plead, your fingers shaking from where they’re pressed against her breastbone, “I’m tired of fucking and fighting. We need to talk about this. About us.”

She pulls away to sit back on her haunches, eyeing you warily, and you move so that you’re perched on the edge of the sofa. Your hand travels out of your own accord across the empty space between you, your fingertips brushing against her knee. Still, Adora doesn’t move away from you.

You take her silence as a sign to continue, “What we’re doing―it isn’t healthy. I lied to you about how I really felt. I used my best friend to make you jealous. None of that is okay. ” You pause, licking your lips. Adora’s face is unreadable. “I was jealous and angry and selfish when I had no right to be. I lied about a lot of things, but I meant it when I said I never meant for things to turn out this way.” 

Adora takes your hand in hers, twining your fingers together. “I know,” she says quietly, her eyes so soft and full of understanding it hurts. “I know you didn’t mean it.” She shuffles nervously, rubbing her thumb along your wrist and a sudden pained expression warps her features. “I know because I’m still in love with you.”

Your throat corks up, and a sob threatens to burst from your chest. “I’m fucked up, Adora. It won’t be long until you find someone better than me and then you’ll realize how much of an asshole I’ve been to you.” 

She shakes her head stubbornly. “No,” she says, cupping your jaw with one hand, “you were just lashing out. We can work through this together.”

You bite your bottom lip hard, turning your head away from her touch, but she doesn’t let you. 

“Hey,” she murmurs, dragging you back towards her eyes with gentle tones. “Sometimes you get so lost in your own mind and I just want to pull you out of there. Tell me what’s wrong.” 

“How can you still love me after―after everything I did?”

She flashes you a shy smile. “Because I know you’re not a bad person. We all make mistakes, Catra, especially to the people we love.”

You draw in a shuddering breath, your heart beating hard against your ribcage and your lungs expanding within your chest. You don’t know which one of you moves first, but you can’t find it within yourself to care when your lips meet hers again in what feels like the first time. It’s careful and timid, her mouth moving softly against your own. Her tongue gently probes at your lips and you open your mouth to invite her in. She kisses you like it's the last chance she'll get to and touches you the same way. When you break away to catch your breath, you laugh at the utter ridiculousness of it all. 

Before she can ask you what you find so funny, your phone pings in your back pocket. 

**scorpia:** _I locked myself out of the room. Can you unlock it please?_

This might be your only chance to get to talk to her, to really apologize, and you don’t hesitate to you send her a quick _i’m on my way_ text before picking up your boots from where they’re strewn on the floor and pulling them on. Adora tilts her head to the side, her face marred with confusion. 

“I have to go,” you explain, tugging your coat on before grabbing your keys and moving towards the door. 

A tug on your wrist stops you. You turn to see Adora watching you, brow furrowed and a guarded look in her eyes. “You’re running away again, aren’t you?” she asks, her voice flat. 

“No!” you exclaim, kneeling down so that you’re at her eye level, “It’s nothing like that, I promise. I’ll tell you about it once I get home, okay?”

She watches you carefully, like you’re going to tell her you the same thing you said the day you broke up with her, like you’re going to leave her again. Then, the line between her brows smooths out and she relaxes. “Okay,” she says finally, giving you a crooked smile. “Just don’t go breaking my heart again.”

You cup her face with both hands and plant a firm kiss on her lips. When you pull away, she’s beaming and you return her smile with one of your own. 

“Never," you promise. 

///

You find Scorpia standing outside of your room, hands tucked into the pockets of her jacket. She scrolls through her phone aimlessly and she hasn’t noticed you yet.

“Hey.”

Her head snaps up at the sound of your voice and for a moment, you recognize her face as the one she used to put on with you, soft and hopeful. Then, it shifts into the cool mask you're unused to and she nods sharply to acknowledge that she’s heard you. She’s still playing her _let’s-ignore-catra_ game and to be honest, you’re getting sick of it already. 

You stand there stupidly, staring at her, before she finally decides to break the silence. 

“Do you have the keys or not?” she blurts out sharply, annoyance written across her face.

It’s a miracle you don’t drop your keys from how hard your hands are shaking. 

As soon as you open the door, Scorpia brushes past you wordlessly and grabs a textbook that’s lying on top of her desk. She tucks it underneath her arm and turns to exit as quickly as she came in.

Before she can leave, you slide between her and the door. “We need to talk.”

Surprise cuts across her cool facade for a single moment before she smooths it into the blank look you’re used to seeing by now. “If it’s about what happened at the party, then I’m not interested,” she says, cutting and not at all like the lively tones you’re used to. 

“We’re talking about it whether you like it or not,” you bite out, folding your arms across your chest. “Or are you going to run away from me again?” 

A muscle in her face twitches. “I’m not running. I just don’t feel like talking to you right now.” She reaches past your shoulder to push the crack of the doorway wider so that she can get through, and you shove her backwards while simultaneously slamming the door shut behind you. 

“Stop avoiding me, dammit!” you shout, your voice coming out in a throaty growl. 

She squeezes her eyes shut for a moment, and when she opens them, they’re cold and calculating. “It hurts, doesn’t it?”

You force yourself not to fall for it, digging your nails into your palm hard enough to bleed. She’s fighting back against you, tooth and nail, and you know it’s going to take a lot to get her to listen to you. 

“What I did was wrong, but give me a chance to fix it." You're begging now, but you need her to listen.

“You can’t fix it, Catra,” she scoffs, letting out an exaggerated sigh, “I thought what you said was real―that it meant something, but I was just a pawn in your game all along. It’s not fair that you play around with my feelings for someone else’s attention. It’s not.”

“I know,” you agree, biting the inside of your cheek, blood welling underneath your tongue. “I never should have done that.”

“Why?” she asks.  _ Why did you do it? _

You bite your lip to keep it from trembling. “I’m selfish. I took advantage of you, I wanted to make my ex jealous and I can’t even blame it on the alcohol because I probably would’ve done it sober too.” You choke up and tears blur your vision. 

“What do you want from me, Catra?” Scorpia asks suddenly, her voice strained and blocked with tears.

“I’m not expecting you to forgive me,” you say, voice hollow and empty, “but I want us to be friends again.” 

It’s a gamble, and you don’t think she’s going to buy it. She should slap you, spit in your face, and a part of you wants her to do it because you deserve it all.

She tenses and for a second you think she’s going to do just that, hit you so hard you’ll be seeing stars, and then she says, “I don’t know if I can still be friends with you after that.” Somehow, it stings worse than any blow ever could. She pauses and her face softens by a fraction. “But I think you mean it when you say you’re sorry. Give me some time to think about it.”

“I’m so sorry,” you whisper, wiping away the tears that are now streaming down your face. 

The only sound in the silence that follows is the door slamming shut as she leaves. 

  
  



	8. in my hand rests the last bluebird

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N:
> 
> Thank you all for reading! We're at the end of this story now and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. 
> 
> Have a great day! :)

Nothing really goes how you expect it to, and you learn to just let it happen. 

Scorpia’s staying in the dorm room now and she doesn’t leave whenever you walk in. Your conversations are mostly small talk, and you try to be less of an asshole than usual to her. As she relaxes, she opens up towards you little by little. 

Instead of avoiding you at lunch, she waves you over to her table in the dining hall. She introduces you to Entrapta and the two of you get along just fine despite her weird fascination with roombas―particularly one she’s named “Emily.”

You’re studying on your bed in the dorm, Scorpia sitting right next to you, when it happens. 

“Why does Dr. Weaver hate me so much? I literally did nothing to her,” you growl, scribbling out yet another wrong answer. 

Scorpia hums thoughtfully. “Maybe it’s because you skipped her class,” she points out. 

“That was only one time and you skipped that day with me too!”

“I stayed in the dorm and you went out that night. She probably saw you somewhere and knew you lied about being sick.”

“I was at the gay nightclub with Lonnie, there’s no way―” you cut yourself off.

You remember seeing a flash of long dark hair and green eyes belonging to a familiar face in the crowd you couldn't quite recognize when drunk. Realization slowly creeps in and you want to laugh at the absurdity of it all. 

“Oh my god, Scorpia,” you blurt, grabbing her arm in a vice-like grip. "She was there. She was at the nightclub.” 

It’s quiet for a moment, before the two of you burst into laughter, and your neighbors next door yell through the wall for you to shut up. You tell them to fuck off but stop laughing anyways. 

“What would I do without you?” you ask jokingly, grinning.

She pretends to be deep in thought. “You’d probably have no one to look after you. And you’d be heartbroken.”

The way she says it sounds flirtatious and you’re almost not surprised. You had flirted with her before, but it had been innocent, and you know because of that, she had harbored feelings for you. You had made it seem like you were into her, that you had liked her in _ that _ way. You feel a sudden rush of guilt, for breaking her trust, for losing her as a friend, for leading her on.

“It’s hard to come out and just say it out loud,” you sigh, hugging one arm against your side, “but I want you to know that Adora and I are together.”

She should be dissapointed, but instead she smiles, bright like the sun rising over the valley. “I’m not surprised. I saw the way you looked at her.” You stare at her, searching her eyes for an explanation, and she adds, “You looked at her like she was your whole world.” 

_ She is, _you want to say, _ she’s my everything. _

“Anyways,” she continues before you can say anything, shrugging her shoulders, “I’ve found someone else.”

“_What?”_ you shriek. Someone in the room next door bangs their fist against the wall and you lower your voice to whisper, “Who?” 

She presses a single finger against her lips and winks. “It’s a secret. For now.”

“I’m happy for you,” you say honestly. 

“Thank you.” Scorpia blushes, rubbing the back of her neck absentmindedly. “Catra, you’re my friend, but you’ll always have a special place in my heart.”

Tears prick at the corners of your eyes and you shove her halfheartedly. “Shut up. You’re making me cry, you idiot,” you sniff, rubbing your face. 

She embraces you and god, you really missed her hugs. She pulls away and you’re surprised to see her crying too. 

“Look at us,” she laughs, rubbing her eyes, “we’re a mess.” 

You join in on her laughter and think, maybe, just maybe, things are starting to turn out for the better. 

**///**

Days with Adora are good, still somewhat embarrassing, but good. 

You half expect to fall back into toxic habits, but after the initial awkwardness you surprise yourself at how _ nice _ you’re actually being. The energy is the same as when you first dated, all darting glances and shy smiles, and she even brings you flowers on one date. There are some bumps along the way, but the two of you stay steady for a long time. After graduation, you both decide to take a much needed vacation to the mountains. 

“You ready?” 

You turn to see Adora leaning against the side of the car, wiping the sweat off her forehead with the back of her hand. She’s been putting a week’s worth of food and essentials into the trunk underneath the summer sun and she’s starting to show for it. Her skin’s still burned from the time she’s spent at the beach with her friends this month while yours has darkened considerably.

You eye the pile of things that still need to be packed into the car with disdain. “But it’s so hot,” you groan, dropping the box you’re carrying and sprawling out in the shade. 

Adora grins mischievously at you before she whips the white tank top she’s wearing over her head so that she’s only in a nike sports bra and red running shorts. Sweat drips down her neck, into the valley between her breasts, down her muscled thighs. Your mouth suddenly turns dry. 

“How about now?” she asks, grinning. 

“Yeah,” you croak, the tips of your ears burning. 

She shoots you a smug look and an equally shit-eating grin before she drapes her tank top over shoulder and turns back towards the car. Adora lets out a squeak when you creep up behind her, your fingers tickling her ribs and your legs trapping hers.

She giggles, trying to pry off the arms circling around her waist. “What was that for?”

“You tell me,” you say, kissing the back of her neck. “I can’t help that my girlfriend’s incredibly sexy.”

She finally manages to push you off and turns so that she’s facing you, her hands on her hips. “Well your sexy girlfriend needs some help loading up the car or she’s not going to be happy when we’re late for our roadtrip.” 

You pout, but pick up one of the boxes lying on the ground. “Fine,” you grumble. 

“Thanks, babe,” she sing-songs, giving you a peck on the cheek.

When you’re finished packing the car and watching the tall buildings of the city to the looming trees of the forest blur past you, you try to think of a moment when you were happier than you are now. You keep thinking of one when you reach your destination, when you follow Adora as the two of you hike up the mountain. You’re still racking your brain as you reach the top, your fingers brushing against the velvet of the small box holding the ring Scorpia helped you pick out.

When Adora turns around to find you on one knee, one hand covering her mouth and tears in her eyes―when she says yes and kisses you―you decide this is the moment you’ll always remember as the happiest of your life.

  
  



End file.
